Date: 21|02|2015
Time: 1 PM
Venue: White House, Patna
My Attire: In the season where summer is at my door,
I foolishly wore inner, shirt, tie and SWEATER. I didn’t knew what it would
going to cost me.
Writing Topic: “Dahej Ek Abhishaap”
Everything was normal until I reached the door of my panel. I
started sweating heavily. But I didn’t bothered, took a deep breath and got
ready to enter.
Boy before me came out from the panel. A man with tea went in first. I
was waiting for the bell ring. Bell rang but with very low tone, I thought the
sound didn’t come from my panel (but I was wrong) so I kept on waiting. The men
with tea came out and while he was holding the door, chairman said loudly,
“Ajao yaar andar”. First Impression was the worst impression. But wait, it was
just the start of such incidence.
Me (holding the door): May I come in sir!
Chairman: Haan Haan Aaao andar yaar.
Panel - From left Man1 (>40), Girl (<30), Chairman (45-50), Man2
(>50), Man3(>45)
Me: Good Afternoon Mam, Good Afternoon Sirs!.
M2: Baith Jao
Me: Thank you Sir
M2: Apne Bare me Batao
Me: Replied in Hindi (But Interrupted)
M2: Kaha hai ye Cybotech Campus (My College)?
Me: Sir Pani Tanki More, Boring Road
M2: Achcha. Koi or sa form bhare ho?
Me: sir IBPS PO and RRB bhare the.
Chairman: Kitna number aya PO me?
Me: 91
M2: Good
Chairman: Photo to aisa lagaye ho jaise koi movie ka audition dene
ja rhe ho.
Everyone was laughing now, me too
M2: Nhi nhi bahut smart dikh rhe ho tum.
Me: Thank You Sir.
M2: Achcha hum smart city k bare me sunn rhe hain, jante ho iske
bare me?
Me: Explained about digital service and e-governance which a smart
city contains.
M2: Bus itna he? India me hai koi smart city?
Me: Sir abhi nhi hai but Varanasi ko banane ka try kiya ja rha hai.
M2: Achcha to Varanasi jab smart city ban jayega to sab chij waha
pe ghar baithe baithe online ho jayega?
Me: Sir jyada deep knowledge nhi hai.
M2: Achcha Koi baat nhi.
I started sweating due to heat I was feeling in the cloth. Actually it
was heavy sweating by then and everyone started noticing.
Chairman: E-governance kya hota hai? (as I used this word while
explaining smart city)
Me: replied
Chairman: Digital Computer kya hota hai? (as I used the word
Digital while explaining e-governance)
Me: Computer which works on discrete value 0 & 1.
Everyone was started staring me due to such precise and accurate ans.
M2: Smartphone kya hota hai?
I was asked about smartphone in PO interview also. Despite I don’t hold
it, I had to face it for second time.
Me: replied again in precise (ans: sir jo bhi phone video
conferencing facility provide karta hai wo smartphone hota hai)
M2: Nhi samjhe hum, achche se samjhao.
Once it came in my mind that I should rather say, “I don’t have
smartphone so I can’t tell” than to beat around the bush but then I dropped this
thought.
Me: Started talking about apps, enhancement, internet, OS (android),
chat.
M2: Achcha ye Android kya hota hai?
Me: Explained.
M2: Hangout kya hota hai?
Me: Explained with features of chat saving.
M2: Good
M1: CRR and SLR kya hota hai?
Me: Explained.
M1: Kiske respect me rakha jata hai?
Me: NDTL
M1: Kya hai ye NDTL?
Me: Sum of Current Account and Saving Account.
M1: Or kuch?
Me: Yes sir FD and RD also.
M1: Abhi kitna percent hai?
Me: CRR – 4% and SLR - 21.5%
M1: V. Good
Silence for few seconds. I was sweating more and more. I don’t know
what was happening with me. My voice was coming out loud and clear, perfect eye
contact but then also I was sweating. It was definitely due to over clothing.
M1 broke the silence again.
M1: Repo Rate kya hota hai?
Me: Sir jab Bank kuch paise leti hai RBI se kuch security k against
to ek agreement karti hai RBI k saath ki wo paise kuch din baad return karegi,
jis rate pe return karti hai wo Repo Rate hota hai?
Chairman: Kya? Bank return karti hai? Kya bol rhe ho? Reverse repo
rate kya hai tab?
Me: Sir jab bank RBI k pass apna paisa jama karti hai or wo paisa
RBI jis rate pe return karta hai wo Reverse Repo rate hota hai?
Chairman: Kya ulta sidha bole ja rhe ho?
M2: Tumhare pass knowledge hai, tum sahi bol rhe ho par ghabrahat
me garbar kar rhe ho.
Chairman: Itna pasina kyun arha hai tumko? Pani piyo, lo.
M2 extended bislery bottle to me.
M3 broke his silence for the first time and said softly, “Lo pilo pani or relax
ho jao”.
M3: Arey pilo pani.
Chairman: Arey pani piyo and relax ho jao.
I wanted to say, “No sir thanks, I am fine” but they insisted so much
that I had to take water, I stood-up, took the bottle, had few drops only while
sitting. And when I was closing the cap chairman tabled his ques.
Chairman: Bouncing of Cheque kya hota hai?
I drank water collected in mouth, closed the cap properly, stood-up and
kept the bottle at the respective place, sat down, said thank you sir and then
answered the question.
Me: Sir jab bank a/c me paisa nhi hota tab bank cheque return kar
deti hai, wahi bouncing of cheque hota hai.
Chairman: Kis kis condition me ho sakta hai iske alawa?
Me: Sign Match nhi kare.
Chairman: Or?
Me: Jab A/c payee ho and holder k pass id nhi ho (Actually I wanted
to say order cheque but something else came out from my mouth).
Chairman: Kya bole ja rhe ho tum. Jab a/c payee hai he to ID ka
kya jarurat hai, wo sidhe tumhare a/c me jayega. Soch k bolo. Ghabra kyun rhe
ho?
M2: Aram se soch k bolo, Itna achcha tumhara number hai PO me.
Chairman: Or bolo.
Me: Sir sign match nhi kare.
Chairman: Haan wo ho chuka
Me: Sir date beet jaye.
Chairman: Chalo kuch to soche, Or socho kuch.
Me: Sorry Sir recall nhi kar pa rhe.
Chairman: La
Chairman signed off to Lady, actually girl.
Lady: GPRS kya hota hai?
Me: General Packet Radio Service data communication k liye use hota
hai jo ki 56kbps-112kbps ka speed provide karta hai. (actually mobile data communication was the most appropriate word)
Lady: Ok. Achcha Bank ka koi 1 demerit batao?
Me: Shocked and accidentally said “DEMERIT” with smiling face.
Chairman: Haan Demerit. Tum bank jate hoge to kuch demerit to
dekhte he hoge. Batao kuch.
Me: Yes Mam.
Chairman: Mam? Arey mam uss traraf hain, hum sir hain.
Everyone started laughing except
chairman.
Chairman: Kya tum ulta sidha bole jar rhe ho kab se. Itna kya
ghabrana. Itna pasina arha hai tumko.
I didn’t give much weighted to chairman words and silently searching
for right answers. I was thinking to say, “Sir bank me aap log customer se
rudely behave karte hain, diwal pe paan-gutka thuka rehta hai” but then stopped myself, thought for few seconds and
came up with the ans.
Me: Sir infrastructure problem hai thoda.
Chairman: Jaise?
Me: Sir Internet chala jaye to kaam band.
Chairman: Haan ye to sahi bole, or kuch batao demerit me.
Me: Sir clerk logo ko wahi lakdi ka kursi diya jata hai baithne k
liye.
Chairman started laughing loudly. Everyone followed him. I added more.
Me: Sir wahi lakdi k kursi pe 10-4 baithna padta hai.
M2: Ab to badhiya wala chair diya jata hai jo ghumta bhi hai. Kaha
tum bitey jamane ka baat kar diye.
Me: Sir actually mere ghar k bagal me SBI ka branch hai, usme abhi
bhi wo lakdi wala kursi he hai clerk logo k liye, wo revolving chair nhi hai.
M2: Ok.
Everyone then gave me angry look as I was still sweating. I don’t know
what was happening with me. Suddenly Chairman interrupted the silence.
Chairman: Achcha jao tum ab.
I was shocked with the way he told me to leave. I remain seated for few
seconds.
Chairman: jao tum.
Me: Thank you sirs, thank you mam.
Conclusion: kuch cheeje apke haath me nhi hoti hain.
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